Have you faced the myths of marriage with honesty? This weekend, Mary Kay and I have had the privilege of doing some premarital counseling with my niece, Bethany, and her fiance, Aaron. They are planning on getting married in March and have asked me to perform the ceremony. We are planning on seven sessions together and this weekend was our first.
We are working our way through Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Les and Leslie Parrott. This is a great book. There are seven main chapters, each addressing a different ingredient of a happy marriage:
- healthy expectations of marriage
- a realistic concept of love
- a positive attitude and outlook toward life
- the ability to communicate feelings
- an understanding and acceptance of gender differences
- the ability to make decisions and settle arguments
- a common spiritual foundation and goal
Mary Kay and I love to do this together because it always reminds us of the things we need to focus on for ourselves. Marriage is something we work on together. While there are some moments of great romance and passion, more often our marriage is a matter of choice - choosing to be in relationship, choosing to be submissive, choosing passion, intimacy, and commitment. In other words, love is more of a choice than a feeling. The only choice we threw out when we got married was divorce. After all, our wedding vow was not 'til divorce do us part, but 'til death do us part.
This weekend with Bethany and Aaron, we discussed four common myths that lead to wrong expectations. Myth #1 - "We expect exactly the same things from marriage." Myth #2 - "Everything good in our relationship will get better." Myth #3 - "Everything bad in my life will disappear." Myth #4 - "My spouse will make me whole." Aaron and Bethany were such a joy to have in our home last night. They are taking these sessions to heart, so I am most hopeful for their mutual happiness!
