Before the sermon this past weekend, we played this outstanding video, "Marriage Promise," from the drama team, One Time Blind. Enjoy!
Now... onto the talk! What is the best way for a wife to romance her husband. Join me in this Church Requel video sermon from this past Sunday for this in-depth discussion on the topic of submission from Ephesians 5.
Women From Venus from Mark Pierce on Vimeo.
I have made the following resources available:
- Weekend Program without answers (PDF - 1.4MB)
- Weekend Program with Answers (PDF - 1.4MB)
- my personal teaching notes (PDF - 180KB)
- my notes in Kindle format (AZW - 16KB)
- my notes with graphics in margins (PDF - 4.3MB) - used by tech team
- weekend planning sheet (PDF - 49KB) - how we arranged service
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Romantically Challenged Part 3 - Women From Venus 02.27.11
Ephesians 5:22-24 ESV
Video: “Marriage Promise” [4:54] by One Time Blind
Introduction: “Marriage. It’s not going to be easy. But it is good. And anything that good is ALWAYS worth fighting for.” In this Romantically Challenged sermon series, we’re talking about how to romance the people that matter most to you. Last weekend we talked to the husbands and gave them some romance tips. They should romance their wives as Christ loves the church: sacrificial love, sanctifying love, and a satisfying love. We talked about submission and we said that when it came to husbands and submission (both are to submit to one another) that it was a lot more about how submission was given and received than about the order of authority. This weekend we turn our attention to the wives. What is the best way for you to romance your husbands?
History Lesson: Before we get to our specific Bible study tonight, it’s worth considering just how progressive the Bible really is! The Word of God honors women. Many of the heros of the OT are women. In the very patriarchal genealogy of Jesus in Matthew’s gospel, 4 women are listed. Many of those who followed Jesus were women. Martha is even mentioned as a head of household. Many early church leaders in Paul’s letters are women. Paul even writes:
“So there is no difference between Jews and Gentiles, between slaves and free people, between men and women; you are all one in union with Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28 GNT
This is a dramatic departure from the attitude of the day. Women not only were not considered the equals of men, they often weren’t even treated as well as servants or as male children. Greek men married later in life, around age 30, while Greek women often married in their early teens. For the man, relationships outside of marriage were expected and accepted. Sexual relationships outside of marriage (for the man) was a routine part of life. Most wealthy men had their mistresses - who were their public partners, while their wives stayed home taking care of children and household. Demosthenes, Greek statesman (384-322BC):
“We have courtesans for the sake of pleasure, we have concubines for the sake of daily cohabitation, we have wives for the purpose of having children legitimately, and of having a faithful guardian for our household affairs.” (From William Barclay Matthew Commentary)
Consider how dramatically different the NT is. “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her” is something you might expect today... but not 2,000 years ago! It’s within that progressive view of women and marriage that we now turn our attention to the wives and how they might best romance their husbands.
The BEST way for a wife to romance her husband is to demonstrate _SUBMISSION_ to him.
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22 ESV
I know this very word, submission, is politically and culturally out of step with American values. However, before we go too much further, we should remember that at Church Requel we teach Biblical values, not the culturally or politically popular positions of the day. And secondly, we may all have an incorrect view of what submission means. Recall that last weekend I told the men that submission has a lot more to do with the operation of authority than with the order of authority. HOW authority is given and received - the way Jesus did it - not lording it over.
With that in mind, ladies, let’s define for you what submission means - by 1st, what it doesn’t mean, and then, 2nd, what it does mean.
Wives, submission does NOT mean you:
- are ___INFERIOR___ to your husband. Submission is the harmony of relationship. There are many ways in which you may be better, smarter, faster, more sensitive, more connected, more educated, and more able to handle things than your husband. And a smart husband will know that and benefit from it. In marriage the sum is greater than the parts!
- are ___A SLAVE___ to your husband. Submission does not take away your freedoms to think and to act. Submission is more an attitude on your part. You show him love when you willingly submit and follow his lead. It’s not a matter of absolute obedience no matter what, like he says it... you do it. No!
- take ___ABUSE___ from your husband. Hear me well here. Submission NEVER means abuse! Submission is about love and care, about him putting your needs ahead of his own, and that NEVER means abuse. If you are being abused, leave the house. Get out and get help. The first time! This is doubly important if you have children. RCDVS Crisis Hotline 800-931-7233.
- have ___NO VOICE___ with your husband. You should have input. You should be able to share your feelings, thoughts, and opinions. A wise husband would never make a big decision without fully talking it over with you. I have found that there are times when I’m so stubborn that God can’t get through to me any other way other than to use Mary Kay to talk to me!
What Submission Means: __FOLLOW YOUR HUSBAND’S LEAD___.
“For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.” Ephesians 5:23 ESV
In any organization there has to be a place where “the buck stops here.” In the church, Christ is the head. And in the family, the husband is the head. Men, this should be the most solemn, serious task you face in your married lives. As we discussed last week, we remind you again today... your headship should be the same as Christ’s. Your love for your wives should be like Christ’s for the church.
Wives, let’s be honest. Your husband should attempt this and hopefully, with God’s help, will accomplish it more times than not. But he won’t be perfect at it. He will, at times, be selfish and foolish. And your role still remains follow your husband’s lead. Be submissive. In fact, even if your husband is not a Christ-follower, you continue to romance him by your submission.
“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.” 1 Peter 3:1 NIV
Whether a husband is a Christ follower or not, he will be won by a wife who romances him with submission. Notice it’s not by words but by behavior. What is this behavior of submission?
The acts of submission: __AS THE CHURCH SUBMITS TO CHRIST_
“Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:24 ESV
Note the beautiful symmetry of Paul’s instructions and of our model. What’s the model for husbands? “As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” What’s the model for wives? “As the church submits to Christ.” So, ladies, if you want to know how you go about doing this, ask yourself the question, “How does the church submit to Christ?” Then follow that example.
Five Ways Wives Can Romance Their Husbands
#1 - Romance Your Husband ___BY BELIEVING IN HIM___.
“And all who believed were together and had all things in common.” Acts. 2:44 ESV
Belief is the starting point for those who enter the church. It is also the starting point for those who start the relationship of marriage. Wives, there are few things more important to your husband that for him to understand that you believe in him. Your belief in him, your rock solid faith in his abilities, is greater currency than money! Personal Illustration - Church Requel would not have gotten off the ground unless I could (1st) convince Mary Kay about its viability and (2nd) receive her continuous, ongoing faithful support of it. Note above that it was the common belief in Christ that led to the first Christians having all things in common. The same is true in marriage. Wives, you want things in common. Start with belief in him.
#2 - Romance Your Husband ___BY UNDERSTANDING HIM___.
“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching....” Acts 2:42a ESV
We accept that one of the first and most important things we Christ-followers must do to mature and grow in our faith is to study the Word of God. How can we love the Lord until we know Him really, really well? The same is true of your husbands. You must study him and know him well. What is his love language? What is his mood like when he first comes home from work? When is it best to talk to him about certain difficult subjects? Just as you show submission to Christ by studying the Word of God, so you show your submission to your husband by knowing him better than anyone else.
#3 - Romance Your Husband ___BY SERVING HIM___.
“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” Philippians 2:5-7 NIV
The church shows its submission to Christ in the same way that Christ did to the Godhead. He didn’t grasp ahold of what was rightfully his. He put his privilege aside for the benefit of humanity. This is how the church is to act. This is also how you might best romance your own husband... by serving him. Note the difference between this and what we think of as a slave - someone with no choice. This is an attitude, a choice to show love by serving.
#4 - Romance Your Husband ___BY ENCOURAGING HIM___.
“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25 NLT
The church submits to Christ by regularly coming together, motivating one another toward acts of love to other people. This Sunday night experience we call Church Requel is an encouraging. In the same way, wives, you show submission and great love by making it a point to meet with your husbands. Often you will be the social instigator. He may actually drag his feet, but you can encourage him, in so many ways. He may experience his compassion and his feelings toward other people, by being with you. You can encourage him to be the man you know him to be!
#5 - Romance Your Husband ___BY RESPECTING HIM___.
“And the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33b NIV
This is the same word (respect) that is used for reverence. In fact, that’s the way the KJV puts it. In the church, we think of worshipping and honoring Christ. We call Him Lord. In the same way, wives romance their husbands by lifting them up both privately and publicly. When a man knows that he has the respect of his wife... and when he shows this respect both at home and out in public... this is a man who becomes motivated to do all that he can to love his wife in the best way that he knows how.
Conclusion: When it comes to the marriage relationship, it’s easy to fall into the Chicken or the Egg controversy. Which came first? When it comes to this concept of romancing our spouse, it’s easy to fall into the trap of “Which comes first?” If the husband would only love his wife the way that Christ loved the church, then the wife would gladly submit to his love. If the wife would only submit to her husband the way the church does to Christ, then the husband would gladly submit back. This is why we have the four little words at the end of verse 22: “as to the Lord.”
We often read this as if this were only a repeat of what comes in v. 24... and indeed it may be. But I think there’s more here to this. Wives, submit to your husbands NOT because they deserve it (they don’t) or just because you ought to (you should), but rather because this is a way of worshiping the Lord. You are showing your submission to your husbands as a way of showing the same to Christ... as another means of worship... as if He were here in the place of your husband.
Don’t wait for him to begin this romance of love. You be the instigator. You start. Whether he responds or not, you’ll feel better because you’re doing it as to the Lord. And I’m betting that if you romance your husband this way, it won’t be long before you see it come right back to you.
Let’s pray.
